My New Pet Rock

It was about a month ago. I was doing some cleaning in my room. Organizing. Tidying. Neatening.

There was a Ziploc baggy full of quarters and silver dollars on my bureau. I had been using these coins for subway fare when going in and out of Boston for my basal cell surgeries (read about these HERE). What I didn't know was that the Ziploc part of this bag was not locked. It was open and as I picked up the baggy, the coins spilled out, many of which fell onto my floor and then rolled under my dresser.

"Damn my luck!" I cursed to the universe. It was a negative reaction to what would turn out to be a positive event. I just didn't know that yet.

I cursed the heavens because my joints were still bothering me (read about this problem HERE) and bending down to the floor, crouching, kneeling...would be less than easy. In fact, I needed help to do this. So, yes, I chose to emasculate myself and I called in my mom for assistance. 

"Hey, MA! Do you mind helping me for a sec?"

My mom came in my room, crouched down to the floor and retrieved the lost coins from under the dresser. But that's not all she retrieved...

"What's this?"

She came up from the floor and held what-looked-like an orange pebble in her hand. At first, I was confused as to what it was but then I remembered. "Oh, it's my citrine!" I exclaimed. Well, I didn't quite exclaim. I was excited but not so excited as to warrant an exclamation point. It was more like, "Oh, my citrine. This is great."

Said citrine was one rock of about four or five that I had purchased at a New Age store several years ago, maybe five or six years ago, maybe even more. I was told that these rocks possessed magical energies that would attract abundance, "abundance" being a less greedy-sounding term for money. 

I wouldn't say I was greedy for money at the time -- I mean, I was poor, don't get me wrong, and some money would've been nice -- but I was more concerned about "making a deal" with a screenplay or a novel or what-have-you. I thought the rock could attract a "career opportunity" of some sort. Get one of my screenplays produced. Get one of my novels published. Or at least attract interest in me from people in higher places.

My pet rock in my palm.

The problem with the citrine, however, was that the rocks were very small, a little larger than a pebble, so I kept leaving them in my pockets all the time and they would either go through the washer or just end up falling out onto the ground or floor. I lost probably three or four of them over the course of a year and, soon, I thought I had lost them all. But I guess one must have fallen and ended up under my dresser.

So now, for the past three or four weeks, I've been carrying around this one small citrine pebble in my pocket. It's like my new pet rock and, I must say...

I've felt a difference.

No, I have not attracted a lot of wealth. And I haven't made any kind of deal regarding a screenplay or book (though I did have an unexpected phone call with a bigwig Vice President at HBO; it went nowhere but it was cool). I have, however, noticed a change. Let me try and explain:

As I've mentioned in previous blogs (read LYME BRAIN and CLEARING LYME), I truly believe that a negative experience like having Lyme can be so negative that it can wreak total havoc, not just on your physical body as we all know, but on your energetic body as well. I believe Lyme has an energetic element to it and it purposely knocks you out of energetic balance so that it's more difficult for your body to fight the damn Lyme off. The more out-of-balance your energy is, the more the Lyme can thrive, just like it's some sort of negative entity that feeds off bad energy.

I believe that it's because of this disturbance in my energetic body ('aura' might be a better term) that I've been having more of a difficult time with...well, life in general. Take my "eyeglasses saga" for example (read about this HERE). Things just kept going wrong, one thing after another, almost on an absurd level. That whole experience was a complete shitshow. 

Or, take my more recent "battle of wounded knee" saga as another example (read about this HERE). The story started with my knee in pain, and then, after an MRI, my ankle flared up with pain, and then my ankle pain made me so frustrated that I punched a mattress a few times and my wrist and arm had pain. 

Both the knee saga and the eyeglasses saga were downward spirals of bad luck. And I think this is all because the energy of Lyme threw my energetic body (again, 'aura', is another word to use) off balance and out of harmony with nature, universe and, not to get too New Agey on you, but spirit, too! Or, if the term "spirit" DOES sound too New Agey for you, let's just say 'God'. It throws you out of harmony with God!

Not following me? Ok, let's use a radio station as an analogy. When you're good and healthy, free of something like Lyme, your body is like a radio frequency properly tuned into a station broadcasting from God and it's coming in loud and clear. But then Lyme comes around and acts as some sort of negative EMF field that messes with the tuning of your radio dial. Instead of the station coming in loud and clear, it breaks up, the sound goes in and out, and there is lots and lots of static.

Anyway, the point off all this is that I've noticed that, ever since I started carrying around the citrine, I've felt more properly "tuned in". A signal from God is coming in loud and fucking clear. I feel more positive, there is more joy and, frankly, things have seemed a little more magical. Instead of feeling like there are a bunch of little devils around that are poking and prodding me with their annoying pitchforks (Lyme personified), I feel like there are a bunch of divine angels with me who are now better able to communicate and guide me because all the negative static is out of the way.

I won't go into details but, for the past few weeks, there have been many "magical" events -- serendipities, synchronicities, divine guidance and perhaps intervention -- that confirmed I was under the influence of a more divine force instead of a bunch of negative jerks with pitchforks. This was a familiar feeling but it made me realize that I hadn't felt this feeling much since before the Lyme. It was nice to have it back again. (Read my very short story South Station Serendipity for an example of a magical moment I experienced.)

With this new shift in energy, from negative to positive, I've noticed that my physical body has felt better as well. My joints still give me problems but there have been more days where nothing has been bothering me too intensely and I've been able to walk all the more. Could better energy manifest better physical function? I was always told this was the case but never really knew it was true until now. There definitely seems to be a connection.

Now, I know what you're saying right now: "All these great things happened, just because you started carrying a little pebble around in your pocket?" I know, I thought it was a little far-fetched as well. But then I started doing some Googling to learn more about the rock and that's when it all made better sense.

As it turns out, citrine isn't just the rock of abundance and cashflow. Apparently, there is MUCH more magic to this powerful stone:

According to one article I found, citrine is basically THE stone of positivity and joy. It also helps with mental clarity, the creative process and boosts sexual energy (ooh la la...oh bee-have). Most interestingly, it links to and clears blockages in the "root chakra", to "bring the physical energy up to the emotional, and raise all energy to a higher plane." This could explain why I feel better both emotionally and physically. Clearing this "root chakra" helps improve "energetic circulation" in the body, thus making the physical systems work better as well. (source)

According to another article I found, citrine is a great stone that promotes healing, initiates new beginnings, helps smooth over relationship problems, protects one from spite and jealousy, clears negative energies (and gha-gha-ghosts!) from a living space, helps with chronic fatigue, balances the thyroid, relieves allergies, boosts self-esteem, helps overcome depression, gives you strength to fight infections, provides you the ability to use nutrients you consume, helps boost confidence and security, protects the aura (i.e. the energy field) and helps get relationships off to the right start by making communication flow well. (source)

Wow, that's a lot, right? What a powerful stone.

And don't worry! Citrine is one of only two stones out there that you don't need to ever cleanse. I'm sure you were worried about that, right? Because some stones out there have great energetic powers but if you don't cleanse them they can store negative energy and end up doing more harm than good. I know this from personal experience. I made the mistake of not cleansing some black tourmaline rocks I purchased a few years back to help dispel negative energy. They're great rocks, by the way, if used properly, but I didn't cleanse them ever, so they ended up holding onto all the negative energy and may have ultimately done more harm than good. Oops.

So who knows? Whether you have Lyme or are just trying to feel better on both an energetic and physical level, maybe a little citrine might be something you're looking for. It sounds a little crazy (or perhaps a lot crazy), but a pet rock could make a big difference for you. I really think it has made -- and will continue to make -- a significant difference for me.

Sources:

https://www.energymuse.com/citrine-meaning

https://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/citrine

The Battle of Wounded Knee

So it's about time I fill you all in on what the deal is with my freggen knee! I kept a journal for the past couple months, so here is that journal. It explains everything.

Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2019

Saw my PCP just a couple days ago. They give you this questionnaire before the physical to see whether you are depressed. I honestly answered the questions opposite from how I truly felt because a) I know they'll just put me on medication and b) I know my depression is mostly Lyme-related so there's no big mystery why I'm depressed and medication will only make things worse. For now, I pretend everything is fine so the doctor doesn't mess with me any more than he needs to.

The doctor checked my knee, didn't find anything wrong, but gave me an order for an X-ray. I had to go to a hospital in Attleboro, which is kind of a run-down town close to Providence but still in MA. and the hospital wasn't too great either. ERs give me the willies. I had flashbacks of being at the ER in the summer of 2017 (see LEVAQUIN WITH A TWIST OF LYME blog). I was left alone to change into scrubs in a secluded dressing room. You don't feel alone, though. You feel entities around you. You kind of feel like you're being watched.

On my way to the X-ray room, an old woman rolled by me on a gurney. She was yacking up something horrendous and she really looked like she was on death's door. I wonder if she is still alive as I write this. I felt bad for her. I think a lot of people there were getting chest X-rays for the flu and such. In fact, when I saw that woman roll by me, I think she may have just been in the X-ray room. I can only imagine how many people go in and out of that X-ray room on a daily basis. I can also only imagine how many germs are in there and also negative energy/emotions/thoughts. I make this latter comment because yesterday, one day after being at the hospital, I felt very agitated...angry, even. I was just an emotional mess. I figured I needed to do some sort of energy clearing (read about clearings in my CLEARING LYME blog) but I put it off because I had a dermatology appointment today and I didn't want to be in the process of clearing, which sometimes makes me feel tired. But by late last night I couldn't take it anymore. It felt like my energy field, aura, my whatever-you'd-like-to-call-it had totally been disturbed, maybe by the X-ray waves themselves or maybe from negative energy or maybe the X-rays made me more susceptible to negative energy. Either way, I did the clearing and immediately felt much better.

My doctor looked at the X-ray and it supposedly showed that I did have some inflammation from some kind of "trauma" but there is no further info about it at this time. I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor set up. Not to be negative, but I'm skeptical of whether this will help me identify the problem. I was actually thinking today that magnesium may be to blame? Too much magnesium (I've been taking my full dose of Magtein, six capsules, 667mg each), which, according to Dr. Rawls in his book Unlocking Lyme, is known to flare up Lyme symptoms (e.g. joint pain)? Maybe? Perhaps? Bueller?

I thought I would feel a little better today because a) the clearing and b) at least the X-ray showed I wasn't imagining the inflammation. But I went to the dermatologist earlier and we thought we were getting towards the end of all my basal cell treatments but she noticed my scalp appeared to have at least four more! The dermatologist seemed kind of disgusted and maybe even a little annoyed and said we would have to biopsy them and they'd probably need MOHS as well. This felt like the death blow. I pictured myself being all stitched up with scars, looking like Frankenstein. Well, I'm glad I had some fun from age 25-35 because my life just seems like a complete mess now. But I told my parents about it and they said that it's possible they could just be sprayed and maybe I need a second opinion. I think I do need a second opinion, or maybe I'll just pretend they're not even there. I don't really want to deal with them, to be honest.

I guess all you can do is stay present and keep moving. None of this is happening right now. It's all an illusion taking place in the third dimension. No wonder why many Lymies feel like they are half dead. Sometimes the only way to get through this is via some sort of fugue state, where you're not quite entirely in your body.

Monday, Feb. 18, 2019

A week or two ago, I went to see the orthopedic doctor. Nothing much came out of it, except that he recommended an MRI, which I didn't think would be approved because of my shoddy insurance but, to my surprise, it was approved.

This past Saturday was the day for the MRI. I was nervous about it beforehand because I had no idea what to expect. Would the strong magnetic field screw with me in any way? Or what about the radio waves? (NOTE: MRI machines use a strong magnetic field and radio waves to generate images of organs in the body).

I was relieved, however, that my MRI would not require me having a "contrast dye", which I had looked up and it didn't sound good at all. This dye is a heavy metal called gadolinium. They sometimes inject it into your veins before the MRI and it helps them see the MRI images better. But, supposedly, it can get stuck in your kidneys and brain. Chuck Norris' wife supposedly experienced long-term damage from gadolinium after having too many MRI's and if Chuck Norris fears something, you know it's gotta be concerning. Either way, I didn't want any more heavy metals in my body since I already have a heavy metals issue (read about my heavy metals issue HERE).

Anyway, the morning for the MRI came, I walked into the hospital (same one I got the X-ray at) and noticed that I felt a little funny. I soon realized I was having a bit of panic attack, seemed like it anyway, but I eventually chilled out and surprisingly wasn't overly nervous during the actual MRI, which was shorter than expected but fregging LOUD as anything. The exam basically starts out with a fog-horn-type sound in your face and, after that, there is a jackhammer-like sound for the rest of the exam. The technician played Pandora through headphones I wore to cover my ears but the volume was too loud and trebly as anything, so I had very high-frequency music in my ear the whole time. I didn't know if they could control the music volume from where they were. I was about to ask about this but then they said there was only five minutes left of the exam so I figured I could handle another five minutes of cacophony.

Overall, I felt pretty normal after the exam. I was worried that I would feel dizzy or off balance or brain-foggy like I do after X-rays but there was nothing like that, really. My knee and leg and even part of my crotch felt a little tingly during the exam when the hydrogen atoms in my body were getting manipulated (by the radio waves and the very strong magnetic field) but I felt pretty normal, more or less, after the exam. Yep, overall, I was good...

Until the next day. I woke up with some significant pain in my ankle joint. And I couldn't walk that well. So I went into the MRI with knee pain, that's still there, but now I have ankle pain? As I write this, it's only a couple days after the exam, so I'm hoping things settle down. I did some Googling and saw that joint pain post-MRI isn't uncommon because you have to lie so still, in kind of an awkward position, for a significant amount of time. So I'm hoping the new joint issues go away. Because, really, I go in to check one joint issue and come away with another added onto it? That wouldn't surprise me, honestly, because I've said it so many times and, dammit, I'll say it again: Lyme is intelligent and somehow knows what's happening all the time. It knew I had the MRI for the knee and then this ankle issue popped up one day later just to fuck with me. Lyme knows how to fuck with you. I swear by it, man. It somehow knows.

The orthopedic doctor is on vacation now so I won't know the MRI results for another week and a half.

Friday, Feb. 22, 2019

The ankle pain is still very much present. Yesterday, I could barely walk. I got so frustrated by this (again, I go and get an MRI for knee pain and emerge the next day with ankle pain) that I punched my mattress several times -- really, REALLY hard -- and then my arm/hand/wrist is in pain. I can hardly type right now; it's not comfortable, like, at all. To top this all off, I had to go get another round of MOHS today, two more basal cells removed on my neck, and now my neck is in real pain. At least I know the neck pain will go away, though. Who knows about the other stuff. My arm kind of feels like I hit the funny bone of my elbow. You know, I have that tingly feeling. Not fun. I feel like kind of an idiot about the mattress punching but I also need to understand that I got very frustrated and sometimes I have to release the anger. I've punched my mattress in the past (read my LYME RAGE blog) and didn't have these consequences. I shouldn't be surprised, though, because all my bones and joints seem weaker and more susceptible to injury. No idea why that is right now but that's how it has seemed to be.

I have the appointment with the orthopedic doctor on Wednesday to find out about my knee but by then it will be old news. I don't give a shit about the knee right now. What about my ankle?! My arm/hand/wrist?! Of course, I still do care about the knee but in a short week's time that kind of became old news or less important and two new problems have popped up. Things really kind of went to shit after that MRI. So glad I got that thing. I had a feeling it would somehow cause problems. It seems like all conventional medicine and/or machinery causes problems. You read up about it online and it says it's all safe but who really knows? The machine messes with your hydrogen atoms, blasts you with radio waves, subjects you to a very strong magnetic field. Is that really all safe? Even if it's safe on a physical level, who knows what it does to our energy fields. You know: our auras. Maybe this explains all the bad fortune in one week's time. It blasts you out of harmony with the nature, the universe...God!

Wednesday, Feb. 27, 2019

Saw the orthopedic doctor today to get the MRI results. Nothing seemed to be wrong, at least not structurally. In fact, he said, "Many people could only wish to have a knee like yours." He also said, "If I were to show people a photo of a good, healthy knee, I would show a photo of yours." I pointed to the area of my knee that bothers me and said, "So nothing looks bad in this area?" The doctor shook his head and said, "Your hamstrings are rather tight so, if anything, you might have a little tendonitis in the hamstring tendon." 

So no big tears or anything, which is good, but the knee seems to be the least of my problems now. As I write this, I'm having difficulty typing because of the arm injury I talked about in the last entry. All my bones in my hand, wrist, arm and even shoulder seem all screwy. Just from punching a mattress a few times! I feel stupid but, man, I had to destress somehow. I kind of just lost it and flipped out, punched the mattress as hard as I could, four or five...ok, maybe six times. The doctor shook my hand twice today and it was NOT easy shaking his hand. Ouch! 

I didn't mention my new problem to him. I just hope I don't have to go back there for hand and arm problems. What does a fracture feel like, anyway? I never had one. Nothing is too, too painful, but my arm is messed, no doubt about it. It's difficult doing everything...brushing teeth, shaving, eating with a fork, typing! (one of the most important things in my life since I'm a writer), computer mouse clicking, putting a shirt on and taking it off...EVERYTHING. You don't realize how much you use your arm all day until it's injured. Damn. 

Once again, an experience like this makes you better appreciate a fully-functional body. I will never take my arms for granted again, that's for sure. This seems to be a common theme throughout this whole Lyme experience: learning not to take the body for granted. The human body is so complex and perfectly made and when one little thing doesn't work right it sucks big-time.

Now I have to go soak my wrist in Epsom salt some more. There's been a lot of that. And smother it with Arnica gel (a homeopathic pain relief gel). Damn, I really hope it will heal on its own. Typing right now is not comfortable. I feel stupid for hurting my arm. This was my fault. But I also blame the Lyme. It was driving me insane. And I broke apart at the seams. And flipped out on the mattress. And hurt my arm. I can't always hold it together.

Oh, by the way, though...the ankle pain isn't as bad. Neither is the knee, as I mentioned. The hotspot for pain in my body right now is my arm. Even my neck feels better from the Mohs surgery. It's my arm now! Agh! Madness.

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

The arm is better now...not fully, but better. Typing is more doable but if I type too much I feel strain in the arm muscle and/or tendonitis. But, surprise, surprise...the pain, for the most part is back in my ankle. I must say today it's not that bad; in fact, nothing is overly bad today (maybe because I soaked my feet, up to the ankles, in Epsom salt and baking soda last night) but yesterday and the day before? Ankle pain. Walking was difficult.

Anyway, the moral of this story is that the "pain" or inflammation or what-have-you...moves around, which is pretty classic with Lyme. I just have to figure out why. Does this mean I still have Lyme? Or is this really an after-effect of Lyme but not Lyme itself? Do I have an inflammation problem? Is it from something I'm eating? Too many carbs? I've hardly been eating gluten. Is it heavy metals? Viruses? Candida? All these can cause joint problems as well. And, of course, the Levaquin (read about my experience taking Levaquin HERE) could be, a year and a half later, causing tendonitis. Who knows.

It's ok, though. I think I can figure it all out. It may be something simple. The bright side is there's nothing apparently big wrong with my knee. And my arm isn't that bad right now. The ankle pain comes and goes. 

I'm actually in the process of buying a new pair of sneakers to see if that helps my problems at all. Finding a pair of sneakers that works well for me is a whole other story. You have never seen a man so OCD until you've seen me in the process of sneaker shopping. I go nuts over shoes fitting right and I end up obsessing over even the smallest issues. For example, today I found a pair that fit right size-wise but, for some reason, the right sneaker seemed to dig into my ankle in the back-right area. Weird. It wasn't comfortable. So the search will continue. Why am I telling you all this? Oh, right, because, who knows? A new pair of sneakers could make all the difference. It may make my joints feel much better...

BUT...

One thing is also for sure. My legs just don't feel as strong as they were pre-Lyme and, as my orthopedic doctor confirmed, the muscles are very, very tight, especially the hamstrings. Maybe I need collagen? Or some omega oil? Flaxseed oil? (Flaxeed oil helps with joints and arthritis.) No idea. But I do think if I can figure out what's preventing my muscles from feeling normal, then I can maybe unlock a big missing piece to the Lyme puzzle here.

Grounding Again

If there's one good thing to come out of my recent knee injury (read about this injury HERE), it would have to be that I've rediscovered grounding.

"Grounding" (also known as earthing) was something I used to do ALL the time before I was diagnosed with Lyme; in fact, I used to sleep on a grounding pillow case all night. 

However, after Lyme, for whatever reason, I had difficulty tolerating the grounding. In fact, saying I had 'difficulty' is a bit of an understatement. It would make me dizzy, shaky and lightheaded as anything. Was it a herx? No idea. All I know is that something that used to be so good for me suddenly seemed so bad. It was like Lyme knew earthing was good for me and punished me when I tried doing it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Lyme seems to have an intelligence to it. It knows when you're doing something that will help you and will punish you for it. In fact, it knows EVERYTHING that's going on. It even knows we're talking about it right now. Ssshhhh. Only whispers from here on in, okay?

(Whispering) Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering: What is grounding?

Grounding/earthing is the process of connecting your bare feet (having socks on is ok) to the earth or a grounding mat that you can purchase online. This simply means placing your feet flat against the earth (or mat) or walking on the earth barefooted. The earth has a negative electron charge to it and this negative charge helps neutralize a harmful, inflammatory positive charge in our bodies that has gradually developed over time due to things like illnesses, cleaning/hygiene toxins, EMF pollution, air/food/water pollution etc.

Now, grounding isn't a revolutionary concept. It's only "a thing" now because it needs to be. What I mean is that, hundreds of years ago, we all "earthed" all the time, only we didn't really know it because we all walked around either barefooted or with non-rubber-soled footwear that still conducted the earth's negative charge into our bodies (like moccasins, for example). By nature, we're all *supposed* to be more connected to the earth. In today's modern world, however, we all mostly wear rubber-soled sneakers or shoes whenever we're outdoors. Rubber, as most of us know, obstructs our bodies' conductivity; this is why electrical wires are insulated with rubber or why we take cover in cars with rubber tires during electrical storms. It's nice to be protected from harmful electricity but when we wear rubber soles all the time we never receive the healing negative electrons from the earth. For this reason, the human race has never been so disconnected from the earth as we are today.

Exacerbating this disconnection problem is the fact that we've also never been more positively-charged than we are in these modern times. The technological revolution that has brought us cell phones, computers, tablets, Hi-def TVs, wireless Internet etc. has given rise to an influx of EMF pollution. Add in other modern-day pollutants like fluoride in water, GMOs or additives in foods, heavy metals in cooking wear/cosmetic products/vaccines, antibiotics/other medications, and we've never had so many toxins in our bodies. Numerous toxins give birth to numerous free radicals, which deplete our bodies of electrons. The more free radicals we have, the more electrons we lose and the more positive in charge we become. Indeed, it's actually a very negative thing that we've become so damn positive!

So if we've never been so disconnected from the earth due to footwear and we've also never been so positively charged due to the pollutants of the modern world, then we basically all of a sudden find ourselves faced with an epic electron crisis where we're all in desperate need of negatively-charged electrons. I suppose we could call it an electron epidemic. The entire human race is starving for negative vibes. We just don't know it.

For Lymeys, our body is in an even greater state of electron desperation because of the havoc Lyme has wreaked on our bodies. Whether it's because of viral problems, parasite problems, heavy metal problems, candida problems, coinfection problems or the Lyme spirochetes themselves, electron-eating free radicals are more than aplenty in our bodies and grounding may be key in helping to neutralize our charge.

As for me, I was very worried that I would never tolerate grounding ever again since I had so much difficulty tolerating even a liiittle bit. All it took was just 15 minutes on my grounding mat to make me feel very woozy and even a little dizzy, shaky etc. 

However, with my knee injured, I was determined to try again because I knew that grounding promoted healing, lowered cortisol levels and, thus, helped reduce inflammation (source). I needed to have more patience with the process. Maybe I needed to build myself up, little by little (as is the case with everything else when you're a Lymey) and this way I would eventually tolerate the grounding.

So I did just that. I started out very slow. All I could tolerate was 15 minutes at a time and that's what I did. Then, after several days, I tried 20 minutes. And, then, after several more days -- maybe a week -- I eventually tried 30 minutes...

Soaking in some negative vibes.

One night, I forgot I was even on the grounding pad and I spent a good 45 minutes on it. I kind of freaked when this happened because I thought I would feel sick from being on the pad so long. But I didn't even feel that woozy after. I was back, baby. I was able to tolerate the earthing again. Whatever herxing that may have taken place, that herxing was now over.

As I write this, I at least do 30 minutes of grounding a day, but I often do two 30 minute sessions a day, so an hour total. That's a decent amount of grounding, enough to make a significant difference with the charge in my body.

Overall, grounding again has made me feel stronger, more relaxed, more harmonized, more "in control" of my body and more normal. However, I must admit it has not resolved my knee issue. The knee dilemma may have to be solved another way but maybe this has all happened for a reason, so I could rediscover grounding and get the negative electrons that my body so desperately needed, especially from so much Lyme damage.

Here are some other key benefits of grounding (according to an article I found): 

Reducing chronic pain

Improving sleep

Increasing energy

Lowering stress and promoting calmness by reducing stress hormones

Normalizing biological rhythms, including circadian rhythm

Normalizing blood pressure and blood flow

Relieving muscle tension and headache

Speeds healing

Reduces jet lag

Protects body from EMFs

Helps recover from athletic injury

Reduces snoring

Helps support adrenal health


Sources

https://www.purposefairy.com/81302/the-amazing-science-behind-earthing/

https://wellnessmama.com/5600/earthing-grounding/


For Further Reading

EARTHING: The Most Important Health Discovery Ever! by Clinton Ober, Dr. Stephen T. Sinatra M.D., Martin Zucker, Gaetan Chevalier

Crisis of Faith

I would be remiss if I didn't mention a recent battle that has run parallel with my Lyme and fluoroquinolone toxicity struggles. I haven't yet mentioned this battle because I didn't think it had anything to do with Lyme or being "floxed" but I now think that there must be some connection. The battle I speak of is with...

Basal Cell Carcinomas.

I started seeing a dermatologist back in August, I still see the same one now and I don't necessarily see myself stopping in the very-near-future. A couple -- or maybe a few -- of these basal cells were present prior to me getting ill in the summer of 2017, but these red spots seemed to get worse after getting Lyme and several others seemed to pop up post-Lyme. Is there a connection? Or just coincidence?

Right now, I'm starting to think there's a connection because the timing seems too synchronous. Perhaps a magnesium deficiency is to blame since magnesium is integral to having healthy skin (read about magnesium deficiencies HERE). Or, perhaps, an excess of heavy metals is to blame, which are known to seep through the skin and cause problems (read about heavy metal toxicity HERE). Or, perhaps, a stressed immune system is to blame; my immune system spent so much energy fighting Lyme and parasites and viruses and heavy metals -- not to mention the fact that it was suppressed by steroids immediately after the Levaquin disaster -- that skin cancer may have seized opportunity and came out to play.

Anyway, biopsying and treating the skin cancers has been less than...um...fun. Part of the problem is that, for many of the basal cells, I have no choice but to remove them via surgery, which leaves scars, because the alternative option is to use a chemo cream but, because I'm now overly sensitive to chemicals, I do not want to use the chemo cream (my LLMD also recommended against doing so). I mean, can you blame me? Levaquin was a chemo drug (read about my disastrous experience taking Levaquin HERE). Do I really want to use another chemo drug? Not that the cream would be as strong as Levaquin (at least, I don't think it would be) but I still feel it would cause me problems, even though it's used topically.

So, right now, I'm starting to look like some angry old man put cigarettes and/or cigars out all over my body. Okay, it's not THAT bad...yet...but it may be getting to that point.

As far as the basals on my face and neck go, I must remove them via a special surgery called "MOHS." This is partially a good thing and partially a bad thing. It's good because I don't have to worry about using the chemo cream or having them removed by regular surgery that leaves a cigarette-burn-looking scar. It's bad because it's REALLY friggin' difficult finding a Mohs surgeon that takes my insurance. 

If I haven't made it obvious yet in these articles, I don't have good health insurance. I had to get on the phone for several hours, calling different places: surgeon offices, my insurance company, my primary care provider etc. Just when I thought I found somebody, I was let down. My insurance company would say this surgeon took my insurance; I would call them and they would say no, they didn't. My PCP would tell me another surgeon took my insurance. Nope, they didn't. I would log onto my insurance company website and get the names of several surgeons who took my insurance. Nope, none of them did. It seemed like a wild goose chase.

Finally, after maybe dozens of phone calls, I determined Mass General Hospital took my insurance and I set up an appointment for a consultation. I would've let out a deep exhale...EXCEPT...there was another problem: my knee. The back of my knee. It was still bothering me (see the end of my last blog) and walking in Boston, to and from Mass General, would be significantly more difficult. I had no idea what was wrong (and still have no idea as of writing this), whether it was torn cartilage or meniscus, tendonitis, arthritis or something else. This was very frustrating because the timing was awful. Just a couple weeks earlier, I was walking greater distances than I had been since I was sick. The walk to Mass General would have been no problemo but now it was a BIG problemo and it added to my stress.

Flash-forward a couple weeks later and my knee started feeling better; in fact, I would say it felt about half better and I thought it would only improve more as time went on. I thought the trek into Mass General would be no big deal and consequently (and, as it turns out, foolishly) I started amping up my walking a bit more. The most amped of these walks took place two days before my consultation in Boston. After this walk, my knee flared up all over again. I thought I was screwed and I was pissed at myself for walking too much. Why didn't I just take it easy? At least until the appointment was over? Now it would be much greater a challenge getting into Boston for the freggen appointment.

Waiting for the Blue Line.

I went online and literally mapped my commuting route into Boston, down to the very last step. Parking at MGH was supposedly a major pain in the butt cheeks so I knew public transportation was my best option. I found that I could take the commuter train into Back Bay Station, then take the Orange Line subway to State Street and transfer to the Blue Line, which took me to the Bowdoin stop that was only a four-minute walk from the building my appointment was at. This meant all the walking involved would be the four-minute walk, in addition to some minimal walking inside train and subway stations. Oh, and it would be round trip. Could I do it?

I wasn't sure.

Ultimately, I had my dad come along for the appointment. This way, he could help me out if the walking was too much for my angry knee. Of course, I felt like a dingbat taking my dad with me for the appointment. I'm sure the secretary at MGH was, like, "Why the F does this 36-year-old man have his dad here with him for his appointment?" I wanted to answer, "Because I'm a Lymey Bastard and I hurt my knee and I sometimes need help doing really simple shit!" But I knew I couldn't just yell this out.

In the end, I made it to and from the appointment ok. My knee bothered me a little bit but it miraculously felt better as the day went on. The weather was on the warm side and I think that, for whatever reason, the knee joint feels better when it's warmer and slightly more humid as opposed to very cold and dry winter air. Does this mean it's arthritis? No idea. I'm not a doctor.

So I guess my worry was ultimately unnecessary but, still, I mean, my God! At a certain point, you start to wonder, how much more of all this can I take before I lose it completely? What are the limits of my sanity? How could things have become so bad? Is this all worth it? Am I better off dead? Seems like a total disaster. Total nightmare. Nothing is easy. Lyme = lack of physical ability = lack of ability to make sufficient money = lack of good health insurance = huge-ass hassle for a person who doesn't feel great to begin with. It seems like just when you think things couldn't get any worse (and maybe, just maybe, things are starting to get/look better), they do get worse and your capacity to withstand misfortune keeps getting tested further and further. The question is, when will this all end? When will things turn around? Will they ever??

If this whole "Lyme experience" is good for nothing else, it certainly makes you think about the misfortunate people out there, how they're always out there and you should never forget them. You can easily become one of these misfortunates yourself and you would want people to think about you and not be forgotten or ignored. That's part of the golden rule, I think. Do and think unto others.

Also, this experience humbles you in ways that you never ever could imagine. When you find yourself mapping out a trip into Boston down to the very last step because you can only take a limited, finite amount of steps...well, that humbles a man who, just a year and a half ago, was zipping through Boston on his feet at about 20 miles per hour (see ONE LAST HURRAH WITH DADDY blog). No matter what my future holds, whether I get much better, fully better, back to normal or what-have-you, one thing I will NEVER do again is take my body and my health for granted. Fuck no, I will not do that. I almost feel like everybody should go through the experience of having to map out a trip to a much-needed doctor's appointment down to the very last freakin' step and experience the fear of maybe, just maybe, not having enough steps in you to make it there. People need to feel the stress and frustration of being so physically limited. People also need to feel the embarrassment of needing to depend on somebody for assistance (in my case, my dad). That's the kind of shit that will put perspective into your eyes.

Lastly, this experience could be one gigantic test of faith. I've been tested before but not quite to this extent. If this is a test of faith, it's an epic one and really, really, really (and also really) difficult. In fact, I don't think it's ever been so difficult for me to hold the faith. I've never been so close to losing it completely and I've never been so close to entering a state of deep and total despair. I'm not quite there yet, but, damn, I've never been so close.

The Magic of Magnesium

I couldn't believe that it didn't hit me before.

I had been taking Magnesium L-Threonate (Swanson brand, 670mg) for the past year or so. My doctor "prescribed" it to me back in September 2017, shortly after I finished with my four weeks of Doxycycline. I took as much as I could tolerate, or as much as my GI tract could tolerate hee hee, which was actually just half the dose: three. I took three capsules for almost nine months.

I was not concerned about taking half the dose. For some reason, I never really took magnesium seriously as a vitamin or mineral or whatever the heck it is. I thought it was less important than most of my other vitamins. In fact, I thought it was the least important of all my supplements.

It turns out I was wrong. Very wrong.

I did not come to this realization until very recently. See, about a month ago, I posted a question about Levaquin in Facebook's Lyme Support Group. Somebody made it known to me that there was a "floxie" Facebook group where I could possibly find better answers to the question. I had no idea what "floxie" even meant but it turns out it's an actual term for a person who has suffered from fluoroquinolone toxicity, whether it be from Levaquin, Cipro or Avelox (read about my experience taking Levaquin HERE). There are currently thousands of "floxies" in the Facebook group. That's a big problem. Why these fluroquinolone drugs are still on the market is way beyond anybody's comprehension. I think it's criminal. Many other people out there agree with me.

I've recently come to the conclusion that, as much as I don't want to admit it, I think I've been dealing with a Double- Whopper here this whole time. What I mean is, if Lyme is a Whopper, being a "Floxed Lymey" is a Double-Whopper with extra cheese. Maybe with a large fries and large Coke, too. Mmm. I'm getting hungry.

Anyway, somebody in the floxed group mentioned that Levaquin and other fluoroquinolones are notorious for leaving you with a fierce magnesium deficiency. I had never really heard this before; well, maybe I had, but I don't think it ever registered in my Lymey brain that it was something important to take note of. Again, I didn't take magnesium seriously. "I have a magnesium problem? Well, that may be so but I've got bigger problems than that, babay! Are you kidding me? Magnesium?! Next time, tell me something that matters one ounce of a darn!"

However, this time around, something 'clicked' inside me and I figured it was time to maybe, just maybe, look up the symptoms of a magnesium deficiency. 

What I found was EXTREMELY interesting.

First of all, much to my ignorance, magnesium is incredibly important. It's responsible for cell growth and reproduction, anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory processes and also hundreds of metabolic processes in our body (source). The problem is that magnesium is becoming increasingly depleted in the earth's soil due to intensive farming and is therefore increasingly unavailable in our daily foods (source). Modern medicines like painkillers and anti-depressants, along with modern vices like caffeine and alcohol, further deplete magnesium. So whether you're sick or perfectly healthy, it's very difficult to possess sufficient magnesium in today's modern world. This means a magnesium deficiency is much more common than you might think.

Now, according to an article by University Health News Daily, the following symptoms are signs of a magnesium deficiency:

Fatigue
Decreased tolerance for exercise
Muscle weakness
Muscle tension, pain, cramps, spasms, or twitches
Headaches and migraines
Irritability
Nervousness
Dizziness
Depression
High blood pressure
High C-reactive protein levels (a marker of chronic inflammation) 
Chronic bacterial or fungal infections
Chest pain

Note: more magnesium deficiency symptoms are listed at the end of this article.

To sum it up briefly, pretty much every symptom listed above is what I have experienced (for about the past year and a half), especially after physical activity and exercise. Remember that drunk, foggy feeling I felt in Trader Joe's after that long walk (read my WINK blog)? That's a sign of a magnesium deficiency. Or the dizziness and confusion? Magnesium deficiency. Or how about the extreme depression or the agitation I experience after exercise? Magnesium deficiency. Most of my problems can literally be explained by one thing and one thing only: magnesium deficiency.

Not helping matters, a magnesium deficiency can also be linked with Lyme itself. The Lyme spirochetes depend on magnesium to complete its life cycle (source) so Lyme eats away at magnesium like that Wimpy cartoon guy eats away at hamburgers.  

Furthermore, the antibiotics used to treat Lyme (Doxycycline) deplete magnesium to a greater degree (source). This means that, by the time you're done treating Lyme, your magnesium deficiency could be very significant. Add floxing from a fluoroquinolone on top of this and your magnesium deficiency could be on the level of severe.

The moral of this story? Magnesium is no fregging joke and a lack of this magical mineral may, in fact, be what-many-people mistake for chronic Lyme disease. Imagine if all this time we thought we still had Lyme but it was really just a fierce magnesium deficiency?! 

It's possible but, as I've written in previous blogs, there are a slew of other factors that could contribute to a false sense of chronic Lyme (parasites, heavy metals, coinfections, reactivated viruses, etc.) or...you also could, in fact, have chronic Lyme. It's so hard for us to know but what's important is that we are aware of these other potential problems that manifest post-Lyme.

As for me, I now take my full dose of magnesium and I can tolerate it, too. What I didn't realize (for a while) is that I was taking the wrong kind of Magnesium L-Threonate. I was taking the Swanson brand (670mg), which is good stuff, but, for some reason, I could only handle so much before I had to run to the bathroom every few minutes. I eventually came to the realization that I should have been taking SOURCE NATURAL "Magtein" (Magnesium L-Threonate 667mg). I tolerate this stuff so much better and I'm currently able to take six capsules a day, though, every once in a while, my GI tract gets borderline overactive. My tolerance level is probably right at the five or six area but, so far, I've been able to handle six pretty well.

It's only been a week since I officially started taking my proper magnesium dose but I have, indeed, noticed a change in my mood. Less depression. Less agitation. I'm more "chill", for lack of a better word. It will be interesting to see if I will continue to see positive changes as time progresses.

As I write this, my interest has also been peaked in magnesium oil, which I had never even heard of before until just a couple days ago. See, over the weekend, I tried to "jog" a bit during my daily walk. My plan (as mentioned in my previous Thanksgiving blog) was to jog from one telephone pole to the next and do this twice during the walk. The first jog went ok, though I felt a bit dizzy and disorientated afterwards, almost like my brain had a tough time balancing itself or coordinating (typical signs of a magnesium deficiency, by the way). After the second jog, however, the back of my knee felt sore, like a muscle was pulled or a tendon.

I'm paranoid about tendon issues because Levaquin is notorious for causing tendon damage. However, Lyme can also cause the inflammation. In fact, I asked the people in my Lyme support group whether they experienced anything like this and somebody said, yes, and they had never taken a fluoroquinolone. Oddly, I would prefer (and be somewhat relieved) if this was all Lyme (and not Levaquin) related.

Anyway, my current concern is that I made so much progress with the walking but now, with this injury, I may go backwards and eventually be right back where I started, having to walk shorter distances, and then increase the distance little by little, etc. It's kind of like that Sisyphus guy who rolls a boulder up a hill but then the boulder decides to be an asshole, rolls backwards down the hill and Sisyphus has to start at the bottom again. I'm sure everybody fighting Lyme and/or fluoroquinolone toxicity feels like Sisyphus. I'm sure we all feel like Syphilis, too.

But perhaps this knee injury is "meant to be" so that I can look into magnesium oil and further discover the magic of the underrated mineral. See, magnesium oil is supposed to be a more direct and efficient way to supply magnesium to weak muscles. Muscle weakness is a hallmark sign of a magnesium deficiency; this is because the magnesium in your body gets so depleted that your body resorts to breaking down muscle tissue to supply the demand (source). So, if your muscles have sufficient magnesium, the tissue can rebuild itself and, over time, everything feels stronger!

O the magic of Magnesium!

I guess it turns out that this month, December, is the month of magnesium. I'll tells ya: if you had heard me this past week, all that came out of my mouth was the word "magnesium". It's like I was preaching the good news of magnesium. Maybe I'll end up on a street corner someday freaking people out as I try to spread "magnesium awareness". "Pardon me, ma'am, do you have a moment today to hear about the wonders of magnesium? No? Ok." And then I would mutter "chicken" under my breath as she walked away; you know, like the scientologists do when they harass you in the streets.

...

Other symptoms of a magnesium deficiency (according to an article on the HEALTH MATRIX website entitled "Magnesium: The Spark of Life"):

Panic attacks
Asthma
Blood clots
Detoxification (of toxic substances, especially heavy metals like aluminum and lead)
Diabetes
Chronic fatigue
Heart Disease
Chest pain
Insomnia
Kidney disease
Migraine
Musculoskeletal conditions (from fibromyalgia to eye twitches to chronic neck/eye pain)
Nerve problems (including muscle spasms and cramps, along with central nervous issues like vertigo and confusion)
Osteoporosis (magnesium helps with calcium absorption)
Tooth decay


Sources: 

https://universityhealthnews.com/daily/pain/low-magnesium-symptoms-are-these-a-clue-to-the-cause-of-your-health-problem/?fbclid=IwAR1igk3Ut9XRpK_-neWels5vEdUuRHTtWf6B4ZoGgCj71mWFmd4YUeb8QeM

https://www.newsmax.com/FastFeatures/magnesium-deficiency-lyme-disease/2016/07/11/id/738173/

http://lymeinfo.net/magnesium.html

http://health-matrix.net/2011/01/04/magnesium-the-spark-of-life/?fbclid=IwAR3q8cF_WTxTShTovKJsx-BIGMlCl1gKR1OFAnUZzlG8YShTDf0QMjPaglU

https://www.thecandidadiet.com/candida-magnesium-deficiency/?fbclid=IwAR2qfZguINnM3-lWFRDvVQ9et9v3dlEn_hXYxoZDQKEhCLT_oWLKgcze7CQ